Seeking Love With Wisdom

I just finished reading "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson for the second time. Fascinating read. There was a line in it that has echoed and matched my own thoughts and feelings about love and the fears of giving into love's vulnerability ...

"He suddenly realized that he had become an ill-tempered and inveterate bachelor again. He no longer thought about his wife, his child, his past. The present was enough. And he was afraid of the possible demand that he make sacrifices and accept responsibility again. He was afraid of giving out his heart, or removing the chains he had forged around it to keep emotion prisoner. He was afraid of loving again."

And with those fears of seeking and opening up to love again, I try to counter them with the wisdom of my favorite poet - Rumi, "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

One day...

Maybe...

One day...

But until then I will just be content with myself and allow myself the freedom of unbarred adventures. Reach goals and become the sunrise after a very dark and lonely night.

Journal Entry: 10/30/09 1:46 AM

I want the bullet, I want it deep in my chest. Deep till it causes death; death or change.

I want the sun to burn out my eyes. Burn them so I never see again; never see again or start seeing things clearly.

I want sleep to take me to a dark room. A dark room without a door; without a door or with one that leads to you and perfection.

I want to stare at the ceiling and watch it turn red to black as I hold my breath; till this all ends.