Third Skydiving Jump

Yesterday, I once again plunged out of an airplane. It seems that lately, every time I get into a plane I get the urge to jump out of it. This time, however, I decided to bring a date. This was a first for my date and it was fun to see her face once we got on the ground after the jump. On the drive up she was scared and for a moment I didn't know if she was going to go through with it.

After skydiving we drove back to Orem and picked up some subs from Subway and drove up Provo Canyon. We went to bridal veil falls and as we walked to the falls we ate our subs and had a good chat. She didn't have a clue where were we were going, since she had not been to the falls before, and it was fun to show her some places that she had not ever seen before.

On our way back from Bridal Veil Falls I pulled into UVU's parking lot and got out of my car and told her to get in the driver seat. She was very hesitant and scared but in the end I coxed her into the driver seat and tried to teach her how to drive a stick. She killed the car two or three times. At that point I again took command and flipped my Porsche around so that we were heading on a downward slope. I then told her to get in the drive seat and to just gently release the pressure on the clutch and it would automatically ease into gear. So, she got to drive a Porsche and it was really fun to see her reaction.

Dreaming on the Floor for 15 Minutes

I'm standing here in some empty room, nothing beyond me, just my presence. I raise my right arm high in the air and crane my hand in a tight stretched out form toward my mouth. My mouth unhinges and my hand slowly descends into the wetness of my mouth. I slowly urge my arm forward until the back of my throat opens up and allows the mass of my arm through its gates. My arm dislocates and the form of my arm continues to disappear until my elbow passes the pillars of teeth and my shoulder refuses passage of the other members attached. My belly is now filled with an arm, but not just any arm, but my own arm and I can feel the warmth of my insides below.

Reunion of Friends

Tonight I went to one of my really good old friends concerts in Provo. It is bazaar sometimes how quickly people grow and change over such a short span of time. I feel like I just barely stopped playing music with my good friend and now that I see him now we have both changed internally and externally. But even though there is change (and there always will be) there is still something that draws us together and that splices us together and nothing, not time, not loss, not struggles will rip this unity away from us.

The Aiplane and Moving Truck Are Out Front

August 1, 2009 I decided to again test my insanity and jump out of an airplane. Well the verdict is in and I am insane, but aren’t we all in our own way? And who would want to live a sane and boring life anyways. I will test the limits of life, set monstrous goals, and set out to accomplish the seemingly impossible. Why you may ask… because if you don’t allow yourself to live, then you’re allowing yourself to die.

On a separate note, I’m in the process of cleaning out my apartment and moving to Orem. Normally this wouldn’t be anything that would be a “painful” task, but as I have been digging up the past and finding memories of my “perfect” marriage, it couldn’t be anything short of Hell (and yes, that does include pain).

I am relieved to make the change (something I just noticed as I typed the word “relieved”… doesn’t it resemble the puzzle piece “RE-LIVE”), it will help me to create a new beginning to my life and start a new chapter and phase.

I'm Still Dreaming of Her

Last night I woke up at 3:34 A.M., I was fighting back the tears, because I was having a hard time excepting that what I had just experienced in my dreams wasn’t real.

I remember very little of the actual content of my dream, but what I do remember vividly is that Anna decided to come back. I remember kissing her, it was real and I don’t care what anyone says, it was as real as the times we kissed in this reality that we live in. I remember just holding her, holding her and talking, and seeing her smile.

Then I woke up and she wasn’t there, she wasn’t in my arms, and I had no one to hold me and talk with me. That’s when my pain barrier burst and my chest was about to cave in. I tried to keep the tears back, but I couldn’t help it, my eyes because moist none the less.

I miss that smile and her kiss. I miss the moments when I could stare into her eyes and see beyond this life into something more. But all that I could stare into now was the darkness of an empty room, empty arms, empty eyes, empty heart and soul. She still has my heart and soul, but I’m trying to find the pieces that she left behind… and the ones I will never find, I will create a new.

The Beginning of a New Life

It has been three and a half months since my ex-wife left me. The pain still hasn’t gone away, and I don’t think that it will ever fully be removed from my being. The piece of my heart that she took with her will always be gone and there will always be a deep scare in its place.

Now that things are final, I’m trying to find out who I am and what I want in my life. I realized that for the last 4 years that I was with Anna that I didn’t get (or take) the chance to truly explore myself and shape and attack my goals and passions. In a way I’m gain myself back, gaining my freedom back, and am learning what it is like to live “my life”.

It is hard to let go of the past and let the memories of it stay behind me, but as I do leave the past behind me and remove the daily memories from my view, I am finding hope for the things to come. I will, someday, find a connection with someone that will even surpass the love and connection that I shared with Anna, even if at this point I have a hard time ever believing that I will.

Boston Logan International Airport

I haven't been able to get to sleep before 2 A.M. for the last 10 days. Part of it has been because of choice and the other part has been because of my travel schedule I have had for the last week and a half. Today, however, I am dragging on 2 hours of sleep because of my "scheduled" 6:45 A.M. flight this morning.

I am sitting at gate A14 at the Boston Logan International Airport and have been sitting around the airport since 8 A.M. (EST).

It started out with me approaching one of the attendant about my flight. When they looked up my itinerary, I was told that my flight had been canceled and that I would miss my flight. As you can imagine, I ready to have a conniption and to share some choice words with the lady helping me (which I'm glad I didn't - there is no need to make someone else's day bad just because of my bad luck). The Delta Representative had me call American Airlines about the issue because I booked my flight through them and that my flight return home was just a Delta Connection flight. When I spoke with them I was told that my flight had been canceled and that they couldn't help me out. After telling the Delta Representative this I was told to go and speak with one of the supervisors for American Airlines.

In the end, I had another flight booked for this evening (5 P.M. departing and 8:30 P.M. arriving) and they compted me for the flight that I was supposed to be on that they canceled my ticket. I should be mad and upset, but I'm trying to rise above it and be the bigger person.

While I was waiting to be able to check in I met someone named Abraham. He is 21, lives in Boston and works for Delta on the ground crew. He is also a Marine and has been working with Delta for the 8 years off and on between his missions as a Marine. I learned a lot about what he does and some of the great perks of working for Delta Airlines. For example: he told me that he can travel free to anywhere in the world any time he wants to (and I'm talking first class). He told me that if he works for them for 10 years and then retires that he will be able to travel for the rest of his life for free as well as his family. It was really fun talking with him and we exchanged information and he told me that he wants to come to Utah in the next month or so because he hasn't been there (he has been everywhere, but Utah) and that we could meet up and I would show him around.