Day 1 of a New Year

I don’t know what it is exactly, but the fact is that being the odd one out is lonely. I don’t care if you are with some of the closest people in your life, the reality is that when those individuals that you are amongst you are surrounded with a special person in their life and you are left with nothing but yourself you begin to wither inside (unless you can push past the natural feeling of being human and rely on your own self dependence; easier said than done). I’m not stating that having this feeling of loneliness will always be something that takes over the moment, but that it comes when you are in a state of oneness and when it comes it feels like a knife cutting you to the core.

I’ve been up at my grandparent’s cabin, enjoying myself for the most part, but over the last day I’ve been hit overwhelmingly with this feeling inside. Seeing my brothers with their girlfriends and even seeing my parents and uncle and aunt together, happy, and absorbed in the love of the person in their lives. I feel like the moon in the sky without another like moon to share that night sky with. Instead of experiencing a like union, all the connecting stars surround me and I can’t wait for the night to pass so that I can end my awkward presence in the night sky.

Fear is the result of allowing logic to completely control our actions. If we could just allow ourselves to push logic aside enough to allow the seeds of love to be cultivated then we would see a change in our lives. Logic tells us that love is illogical and can only weaken our ability to live freely, but that is a fallacy; love is the only force strong enough to tame the emotions that weaken us. That doesn’t mean that we will never feel the consequences that pains and loss bring, but it will lay a foundation that when they do come we will not build walls that would impede on our progression, but it will allow us to gather up our footing and move on.

I’m still trying to both gather up my footing to move on and I’m trying to be sure that my footing is founded on solid ground; ground that allows me to try and try, without the fear of slipping or tripping as I progress forward. I know that if I can allow my heart to open up, just a little bit, to the impact love can have on the human life, then I will see the seed of love sprout abundant fruit of joy. This will require action; however, action that will require me to do things that would seem a little out of the natural comfort zone of a “normal” human being. By doing so, I will not only reap from the actions of love (producing inward joy), but I will also reap the impact this has on other individuals that this love is directed towards.

Thinking about the duel impact that this has, it has become ever apparent of the value that this could have (if we don’t hide from it and if we do it genuinely for the purpose of good; that can include impacting ourselves – not just the primary beneficiary), we could in a very real sense change the world if we could all catch this vision, catch this fever of love.